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First Relationships

Your first romantic relationship is exciting and nerve-wracking.  Learning how to love someone else, without losing yourself is an art.  It takes practice, patience, and experience to master this art.  Here are a few pointers to help you on your way.

It is important to realize that this first important relationship partner will likely NOT be your ultimate life partner.  People change so much throughout life, and there’s just no way to know what direction you (or he) will want to go.  And the last thing you want to do is attempt to hold yourself (or someone else) back from living their destiny.

If you remember that everyone comes into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime – to teach you something about yourself that you wouldn’t have learned better any other way, it will be easier to accept that this very special person just may not be your future husband.  After all, there are billions of people in the world, there’s an excellent chance that you’ll meet someone new and take the lessons you’ve learned from one relationship and apply them to a new situation.

Sometimes love reveals to us just how far we will go in a relationship.  While following your heart is okay, when you’re young (especially when you’re young), it’s important to rationalize things more.  You don’t have life experience to foresee how things may end, to anticipate problems, and divert disaster. You may not be aware of alternate outcomes, and how to deal with them.  And it may be difficult to see the dangers associated with just “following” anything – even your heart.  So you have to *think.* 

Realize that:

  • Your guy – really isn’t *yours* (no one actually belongs to anyone else)

  • Your guy may be lying to you about who he’s having sex with.

  • Your guy may start to like another girl, and there’s *nothing* you can do about it.  It is his choice.  And trying to *convince* him that you’re better than the new girl is a big waste of your time.  The reason: because if he cannot see that you are “better” than she is, there is no “showing” him.  You being yourself everyday is your demonstration of who you are.

  • If you try to convince a man to stay with you, you will be exhausted, trying to be what you think he wants, and not who you really are.  Any time you deviate from your own truth to be with someone, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

  • Other women aren’t the problem in your relationship.  Your relationship is between you and him.  If he cheats on you, your anger and frustration should be directed at him alone.  (Unless, the girl is a good friend of yours, then your frustration for her is *separate* from your frustration for him, and for different reasons).

  • Always be true to yourself.  Don't allow him to pressure you into sex before you're ready.  Expect that he will treat you like a lady.  He will not brag to his friends or share your personal business.  He treats your family with respect.  He is willing to go with you to events, and represents you well.  He doesn't expect you to change.  He doesn't verbally or physically degrade you.  He is not involved in activities that contradict your ethics and morals.  Overall, he's a nice guy - you must believe that you deserve that!

These are just a few pointers to help focus your attention on the important considerations when choosing a partner.