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Old Lady In The Club

Old Lady In The Club

Don’t you want to get married and have children?  Then act like it.

“Successful” women realize that if they want something they must work for it.  They sacrifice, they study, they fight, and they advocate for themselves on the job.  But when what they desire is very close to their heart, they simply sit and wait, expecting some miracle to deliver a wonderful husband to their door…just because.

Many women pretend they don’t care whether or not they marry or have children.  They spend little time and energy on acquiring these things, and instead ‘distract’ themselves with otherwise “full” lives.  It surprises me just how many well educated, financially successful women are so clumsy when it comes to building up these other areas in their lives that matter so much to them.

Finding a great husband isn’t a task you should take lightly and requires focus and your active participation. You cannot do nothing, pray to God to ‘deliver’ a good man to your door step, and expect that to actually yield meaningful results.  You must participate in actively creating your life.  Get off your knees and get to work.

Start by recognizing and acknowledging your inner desire.  *YES* you do want a husband.  You want a good man, a life partner, and a best friend in which to celebrate life.  You want children.  Two beautiful, healthy children.  A boy and a girl.  You want a house in the suburbs, with a backyard, and a kitten.  (or whatever *your* dreams consist of).

Then get to work!  Let friends know what you’re looking for, keeping in mind those qualities that really matter in a partner.  Try online dating.  I’m actually a huge advocate of online dating.  Online dating allows you to bypass those individuals who are so far from your ‘ideal’ that they are not worth the time.  Be willing to try new things.  Date outside your race.  Be willing to give everyone fair consideration.  So many women dismiss wonderful men based on very superficial and frivolous criteria such as skin color, hair pattern, or weight.

Invest time into finding your life partner.  Anything worth having is worth investing some time into.  Finding your husband cannot be a part-time hobby that you engage in when you’re bored.  Spend some time thinking about what you want.  Change your attitude if necessary to attract positive energy into your life.  And realize that you cannot be sure about everything, and must maintain an open heart.

The great thing about getting older is, you know after a few dates if the guy is ‘husband material’ for you.  If he’s not, why waste your time?  If he is, and you want to get married, consider that this guy is the guy.  Do not expect fireworks and butterflies.  Your decision to marry someone should be much more level headed than that.  If you wait for “perfect chemistry” or “love at first sight” you may find yourself alone…a long time.

Date available men.  Men who are married, in jail, on drugs, in a gang, or otherwise “distracted” are a waste of your time.  Spend too much time involved in these types, and you’ll be 45 and single before you know it.  At which time, your chances of having children essentially gone, and finding a husband very difficult.

Start early.  So many women wait until they are in the mid-30s before realizing that…they are the old lady at the club.  There are younger, more updated “versions” of you everywhere, and you shouldn’t wait until you’re “outdated” to seriously consider marriage. Additionally, if you want to have children, realize that the longer you wait, the more difficult it is.  If you “put your career first” and act like finding a husband is not important, you will very likely find yourself missing out on your dream family.  And that’s an unfortunate consequence that could be avoided by simply making up your mind earlier, and going for what you want.

No matter how smart or “successful” you are, looks matter to men.  Especially when they are looking for a spouse.  For better or for worse, it is biology.  So don’t wait until you’re too old to look fertile.  That is not attractive to a man looking to have a family.  Also an unfortunate consequence of biology:  a woman in her late 20s and early 30s is more attractive than a woman in her late 30s and 40s to men looking to have children soon.  That only makes sense.  So by waiting until “everything is perfect” in your life to start your family, you are very likely sacrificing your dream of having your own biological children.

Having “it all” means focusing on these various elements of your life.  Convincing yourself “you’re better off all by yourself” is self-fulfilling, and you will find yourself alone with unfulfilled dreams.  So many women do create loneliness in their own lives, and attempt to “fill in the void” with girl friends, work, and hobbies.  As their girl friends marry and become mothers, and the job replaces them…they are left with their own emptiness.  If they are “lucky” this happens when there’s still time to make changes.  And if they are smart, they’ll realize it before it’s too late.

If you want to get married and have children…pursue it with the same vigor as you pursue career advancement, education, or anything else your heart truly desires.